June 10, 2008

7 Places to Spice Things Up

Health24 has an interesting articles about places you can do the naughty outside your home, to add some spice to your love life. It's a pretty length article, so I'm going to try and condense it here. Just hover over each one to see a detailed description in a tooltip.

7. At Your Parents' HousePros:
Having sex in your parent’s house can be one of the most risky things any couple can do, and that’s what makes it so exciting. Whether it be in their bedroom, bathroom, guestroom or even your old or current room, the sense of rebellious achievement will be well worth the consequences of being caught.

The biggest problem with dancing the light fandango at your parents’ pad is getting caught. Depending on how open your parents are, the consequences could range from a perpetual loss of trust, to complete disownment from the family, and more importantly, from any inheritance.

What you wear is essential. Remember that the quicker it’s over, the lesser the chance of getting caught.

Avoid tight clothing – you could both just leave out underwear for the evening. Not only will this keep you both sweating with anticipation all night, but will ensure a quick attack and retreat when the time comes.

It’s all about timing. Use lines like, ‘I’m just going to show her my old room,’ or, ‘come honey, you must see the new renovations!’ This will bring suspicions down to a minimum, and give you the precious five minute time slot needed.

Because you are in close proximity with guests, make sure to wash as well as possible afterwards, so as to eliminate any possibly incriminating odours.

Risk: 10
Difficulty: 8
Pleasure Quotient: 7

6. In Your Car on a Long TripPros
One of the major causes of long distance travel accidents is drivers falling asleep behind the wheel. Nothing will keep a driver more awake than a bit of action during regular intervals on a long road trip.

Not only do orgasms get the blood flowing, but also stimulate the release of adrenaline into the bloodstream, helping to keep even the most fatigued driver awake the natural way.

Driving long distances requires intense concentration and observation by the driver. Mischievous road trip antics could result in a distracted driver causing an accident, and possibly putting lives at risk.

Because of the limited space in a vehicle, and the high safety risks involved, sex in a car (especially a moving one) should be limited to foreplay or oral sex only. Be sure not to obstruct your or the driver's ability to safely operate the vehicle.

If you plan on engaging in sexual activities on a long distance trip, take the following precautions:

Risk: 10
Difficulty: 9
Pleasure Quotient: 6

5. The LibraryPros
A library is a public place, and so the chances of getting caught are relatively high. This can add to the excitement of the whole affair.

Sex in the corridors between shelves and books might be quite difficult. The tight spaces will give you and your partner the opportunity to explore new sexual positions, mostly standing ones. These positions also allow for easy retreat in the case of possible discovery.

Libraries are notoriously quiet places, and nothing may attract attention more than heavy panting from the Government Gazette section.

Being caught doing the tango by an ancient librarian might have serious consequences, and you could find yourselves facing legal charges of public indecency, or worse, having your library cards confiscated for life.

Having sex in a library is all about planning. Scope the place out first, and find some of the more secluded and quiet sections of the building.

Try working out a routine, changing from one section to another every month until you’ve covered the entire alphabet.

What you wear for the eventual deed is incredibly important. Guys should remember to wear pants with a zipper, and boxer shorts rather than briefs for easier access. Ladies should wear skirts with no underwear rather than pants, so as to get things over with as quickly as possible.

Remember that sound travels in large spaces like a library. You will both need to be as silent as possible in order to avoid possible detection by any snooping library monitors.

Risk: 7
Difficulty: 5
Pleasure Quotient: 9

4. In the Swimming PoolPros
Sex in a pool requires a higher level of fitness to that of duvet wrestling, especially if done in the deep end. It’s also a good clean way to enjoy one another’s bodies.

Being submerged under water also helps to hide your body from your partner, which could be both arousing for couples that have been together for a while, or beneficial for an individual who is not happy with his or her body. Being underwater also opens up a whole new aspect of physical sensation.

Swimming also gives you an immense amount of freedom to move as you please. This new found freedom will give you and your partner room to explore sexual positions that would never be possible in the bedroom.

Mobility can be difficult. Also, don't forget to breathe.

Contrary to popular belief, water is in fact not a very good lubricant. It may be a good idea to apply some lubricant before belly flopping into the pool for some nookie.

When in the deep end, try to achieve ‘free-falling’ penetration. This is penetration while submerged underwater with no parts of your body touching any sides of the pool. This is an incredibly difficult technique, but intensely gratifying, as the sensation of free movement combines with sexual gratification.

Risk: 1
Difficulty: 8
Pleasure Quotient: 8

3. The Mile High ClubPros
There isn’t much to gain from shagging in a tiny room smaller than your grandmother’s jewellery box - however it has been documented that an orgasm at forty thousand feet is incredibly intense.

Aside from being able to claim you shagged in a plane, there isn’t much more to gain from this endeavour.

There is always the chance of being caught, and airlines are usually not that lenient with people ‘abusing their services’.

Because of the small space of the cubicle, sex on a plane is often uncomfortable and awkward. It is also extremely difficult not to make a noise, as banging against the doors or walls of the toilet can often not be avoided.

The first trick is for both of you to get to the toilet without raising too much suspicion. Get up and move toward the toilet as inconspicuously as possible. Do not make any large movements like yawning or stretching, as this will only raise suspicion.

Your partner should wait at least three minutes before coming to find you. If your partner arrives at the cubicle, and there are no hostesses or other passengers around, he/she should give two knocks to signal for you to let them in. If there is someone snooping about, then he/she should give three knocks to signal the ‘no-go’.

Once inside the cubicle, remain as silent as possible. Sit on the toilet seat and let your partner mount you facing forward with her hands on the door. This will be the easiest way to achieve penetration.

To leave the cubicle, try and remain as quiet as possible and listen for anyone outside. There is no sure way to tell if there is someone waiting, so follow your intuition. If you think the coast is clear, open the door, and one of you return to your seat while the other waits in the cubicle for at least three minutes before returning.

If you get caught, the best you can do is blush your way back to your seats and tell whoever caught you that you thought it was a photo booth.

Risk: 9
Difficulty: 9
Pleasure Quotient: 5

2. On the BeachPros
Assuming it’s a perfect evening with very little wind and not too cold, not much can go wrong in this scenario. Having sex in nature is an invigorating experience, as it helps to release inhabitations. Consequently, make as much noise as you want.

This is also an opportunity to get in touch with your animal side. Don’t be afraid to get a bit rough. Grunt and growl to your hearts content – the only things you are likely to shock are the nesting seagulls.

Remember also, that it’s just you and her. It’s a great occasion to spend some quality time together. Take some food and a bottle of wine, and really get to know one another. You will be surprised how being alone in the open can bring a couple together.

There are only three things that could turn sex on the beach into a nightmare – sand, bugs and sunburn.

It has been a long known fact that sand can seriously hamper the sexual enjoyment of a couple on the beach. Not only can it lead to painful friction burns during penetration, but can also lead to infection of the vagina or foreskin due to the bacteria that is found in sand.

Also, don't forget to pack plenty of bug spray and sun tan lotion.

Preparation is of utmost importance when planning for an evening on the beach. Take a large, thick blanket, preferably made up of nylon like material. This will stop sand coming through the material as you roll around on top of it.

Sand is always going to be a problem, but there are some ways you can avoid it becoming too much of a hassle:
  • Take a lot of water. This way you can clean your feet over the sand while sitting on the blanket before placing them onto it

  • Try and secure the corners of the blanket with poles or heavy objects. This will keep the blanket spread out, and help prevent any further sand from finding its way in between your entangled bodies

  • If sand does get onto your extremities – use water to wash it away before a nasty rash sets in.

Risk: 7
Difficulty: 7
Pleasure Quotient: 7

1. In the SaunaPros
Not only will you both receive a wonderful session of exfoliation and steam cleansing, but your heightened senses will take those orgasms to the next level.

In a sauna, your body doesn’t quite get enough oxygen, which helps to intensify your senses. Your body temperature also soars, which gets the blood flowing rapidly in all the right bits.

You will both be wet and slippery. Use this to your advantage when trying different positions and techniques.

A consistent lack of oxygen is not good for the brain. Extended sessions in a sauna may be damaging to your body, because of this lack of oxygen, and because of the heightened body temperature.

If you don’t have a sauna at home, then the only option is to take your steamy exploits public. This means a visit to the local gym sauna, which could lead to you being discovered by a pimply towel-boy.

Gym saunas may not be the most hygienic places to be naked in. After all, it is the place where sweaty men end up after a long workout.

The most important thing is to have the sauna hot and ready for your arrival. Make sure to get the steam going well before entering the sauna for a session of passion. Entering a cold, damp sauna room will completely kill the mood.

If you don’t have a sauna at home, then your local gym is the only option. Saunas at gyms are generally very popular venues, so it might be difficult to secure a couple of hours for just you two.

Check if your gym’s sauna has lockable doors. Then slip that pimply towel-boy a 50, and tell him to lock you and your partner in for an hour.

If you are worried about hygiene, take more towels in with you, and lay them on the floor or on the benches to help prevent your skin coming into contact with any nasty surfaces.

Risk: 2
Difficulty: 2
Pleasure Quotient: 10

No comments: